Pastor's Pen March 2008
God has a special love for widows. Here is what the Word says: “He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow…� (Deuteronomy 10:18); “Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation� (Psalm 68:5); “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction…� (James 1:17). “And he (Jesus) saw a poor widow put in two small copper coins…� (Luke 21:2). Jesus saw a widow everyone else missed. The people in the temple noticed the rich man putting his bag of coins in the temple coffers, but no one saw her; no one but Jesus. And Jesus valued her gift above the others.
There are 103 Scripture passages referencing widows. They are not invisible to God and God measures real faith by how others treat them. God tells their story in His Word. There is the widow’s hospitality to Elijah in I Kings 17, and the care Elisha offered to the widow in II Kings 4. Theirs is a unique pain, severed from the one they love, sometimes suddenly. They are alone in their thoughts, alone at their table, alone in their beds. They are vulnerable. They are afraid. They have to learn to do things their husband did. They have to ask for help. They feel out of place in a crowd of married people. And they want to avoid the embarrassment of answering insensitive questions.
To the widows in our church, we want to learn how to love you. We need to listen if God took the time to mention something 103 times. You need to be loved and valued. Sometimes we have not done enough, or said the right thing. Forgive us. And help us to understand what it is like for you. Your loss can be redemptive for you and for the church. You can learn to receive love and help. You are a useful and productive part of the church. Take the time you need to heal. God can take you into places of joy and service you never knew possible; you can come alive again with new opportunities. And most of all, you can tell your story, wherever you are in your journey. We need to hear it.
To the church, let me leave you with the thoughts of a widow, Miriam Neff, written for our edification (Taken from “The Widow’s Might� Christianity Today, January 2008):
1. Please do stay connected. Do not assume we need space to grieve. There is already a huge hole in our universe.
2. Please do say you are sorry for our loss. Do not tell us you understand unless you have personally lost a spouse.
3. Please do call and ask: “May I run an errand for you?� or, “Can we go for a walk?� Do not say “Call me if you need anything.
4. Please do speak about our husband’s acts and words. We are comforted in knowing our husband has not been forgotten.
5. Please invite us to anything. We may decline but will appreciate being asked. Do not assume we would be uncomfortable with other couples.
6. Please accept that we are where we are. Do not assume we go through the grief process “by the book.� There is no book with grief.
7. Please do say “I’ve been thinking of you.� Don’t say “Let’s get together sometime.� Have a specific idea in mind and be ready to follow up.
Over two thousand women become widows every day in America (800,000 per year). This is the fastest growing demographic in our country. We need to be equipped. Is God calling us to more aggressively support the widows in our church and community?